Hi everyone. I hope you all had a great summer. I am so happy school has started for my son. I now have time to spend more time helping women who have been ruined by dieting and are ready to live a happier and freer life. Yeah!!!
Here is how my story started:
During my childhood years, I was not as thin as the other girls in my class. I always felt so inferior because of my size. I was always the last one picked for a team at gym ( I hated that so bad). In reality, I was not overly large, but in my mind I was.
I had a limited number of friends in and out of school. Really only one friend. I never went to any school social activity.
I was a shy kid and I remember sitting on the stoop on the side of the school during recess looking over the playground just wishing I could run away and go home. I never played with any other kids during recess. I wanted to leave school so bad and be alone and be safe. Safe from the teasing I received and just safe from the outside world. It was so bad when I was a kid in school. I tried multiple times to end my misery in a childlike suttle way, I never told anyone.
I remember the exact moment in time that I started emotional eating. I was 11 years old. I was chased home from school for the umptienth time by a neighborhood boy. I was so stressed, so lonely and so anxious. I ate in my parent's kitchen; A cheese, mayo. and lettuce sandwich on white bread. I made a conscious decision to eat that moment not because I was hungry, but becauseI needed soothing. I can, looking back now, thank food for being there. Food was there for comfort and distraction when I felt so alone and sad. It helped me get through the tough times.
I finally quit high school at 16 years old. I was just so self conscious about my weight and thinking I was just not good enough. My clothes were not as nice as the other kids clothes. I had no friends. I never participated in any sports. I was so self conscious of myself and my looks. It was such a huge relief when I did leave school.
But, while it was a great relief to be out of that school environment, it also started the worse year of my life.
I got depressed about quitting high school. My parents were not happy, of course. I ate to comfort myself, from the loneliness, isolation, depression, and anxiety.
I dieted of course to loose weight. I would stick to my diet from Monday till
Thursday of every week.
When Thursday came I could not take the deprivation anymore. I ate myself crazy. I felt like a failure for not sticking to my diet. I was mad at myself for being fat. Food was my friend. I would go to McDonalds every day, like literally every day. I would rotate the McDonald's I would go to so they would not think I was going to McDonald's every day. Ugh!! My mom was my eating buddy, we would go to Friendly's every week. I would get an appetizer, meal and 5 scoop Sundae for dessert. I felt so full and disgusting leaving the restaurant.
I would go to work in my teens and 20's and even my 30's and come home and eat and isolate. I never hung out with friends, had fun or even dated. So sad. I wasted all those years feeling not good enough, just because I was not thin enough. I equated thinness with goodness, with being worthy enough, pretty enough and popular.
I felt fat and I felt unworthy. I never dated until my mid 30's.
If someone had just told me I was ok the size I was and size does not really mean much in the whole schemes of things. I even had well meaning family members tell me i needed to lose weight. My aunt used to say "Kim, you have such a pretty face, if only you would lose some weight, boys might be attracted to you." I put so much emphasis on my looks relating to my worthiness.
That is my sad story. Now, I am helping women love themselves at the weight they are at, no matter how much that it is. My message is that "you are enough."
You are ok right now, you don't have to lose weight to be happy and for people to approve of you. When we start to respect our bodies in the here and now, we start to love ourselves. When we love ourselves right now, we want to treat our bodies good. We will want to feed it healthy and nourishing foods. We will want to move our bodies in joyful movement. It all begins from within ladies.
I have learned through Intuitive Eating that I am ok at the weight I am now.
I have stopped overeating and I have conquered emotional eating, Yes!!!
I am more in touch with how my body and how it feels after eating certain foods. Food is just food. It has no power over me like it used to. I no longer judge myself by the number on the scale because the scale does not tell the whole story. I am not obsessed with food and losing weight now. I have never felt so free, free of self judgement and free from self hatred. I am happy right now, and I am thankful for my journey that has brought me to this point in my life.
If you would like to find out how you can make peace with food contact me, I would love to chat.