Why Didn't Somebody Tell Me?

Comparing, Comparing!! Do you ever compare yourself to someone who is thinner, prettier or seems to have all their shi... together? I remember sitting in the McDonald's parking lot when i was younger and bingeing on a Big Mac, large fry, apple pie and Diet Coke. I had just fallen off of my diet aka healthy eating plan that day. The disappointment, anger, frustration and hatred I had for myself was so strong. It was all consuming. I told myself " Kim you are such a failure, a fat pig, a loser" and other terrible things I would never ever tell anyone else. This same eating and pity party scenario played out in my life hundreds of times over my 35 years of trying to lose weight. I actually gained weight; like 100 lbs ever since i started my first diet at 11 years old. If someone ( who loved me and cared about me) had knocked on my door in that McDonald's parking lot that night i was eating my feelings away and asked me " Kim what do you need right now?" I would have said " to be accepted and feel I am enough"I was bullied and teased as a kid and I thought I needed to shrink my body to fit in and not be noticed. That was when my first diet started. I also turned to food for comfort. That person who I really wanted to be knocking on my car window was me, my inner little girl, my inner knowing that i was really enough. If i had listened to that inner voice at that moment, I would have saved myself 35 years of mental pain. The pain of hating myself, berating myself after I would weigh myself on the scale and not like the number. The pain of putting my life on hold until I was thin, the pain of isolating myself in my room because I thought no man would ever love this body, so why try and go out and try to meet someone. I could have actually graduated high school and attended my prom if I had not quit high school because I felt like I did not fit in. I have finally learned our bodies are all different, and the weight gain I had before I started my first diet was normal for a girl going through puberty. Girls are meant to put on weight around puberty; it is a natural thing. I have finally become more accepting of my size, my flaws and my innate knowing that " I am enough." It really started when I discovered Intuitive Eating a few years back. It has changed my life. I am finally free of the constant pressure to shrink my body. I am free to enjoy real food in reasonable amounts and not feel out of control around delicious foods. Food is just food to me now, I never thought it was possible. It holds no power over me anymore. I am free. I am healthier than have ever been and happier too. I became a health coach and a Certified Intuitive Eating Counselor to help women like me. I want to help women avoid all the pain I went through. If you ever feel that you are not sure what to eat and are sick of judging yourself by the scale, I am here to show you there is a better way to live.


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